I have quit smoking AGAIN!!! This is day 2!!

For those who don’t know me well. I was quit 7 years and started again on a construction job in Albuquerque in 2001 Then I was quit for a year after I got home from Iraq in 2006 and started smoking again on a construction job in China in 2007. On both occasions there were electricians and alcohol involved. So I can only surmise it is the fault of the electricians….electricians make you smoke!!!! I have been told, there is nothing that impairs your judgment more than an electrician!

I know I can do this and I really hate smoking. I don’t smoke in the house and I don’t smoke around Keelen. I am totally embarrassed that I smoke and I hide in my own damn yard.

I have been waiting for some peaceful zen-like perfect moment in my life that might make it easier. ha ha ha ha That’s too damn funny. I have so much stuff going on….all good! Some I will even be able to blog about SOON SOON SOON!

My husband is home this week and I thought…”What a great time to quit! He can help keep me honest.” And he’s thinking…”Shit….can someone take me to the freakin’ airport!”

I feel this amazing anxiety. I have been here before and I know it will pass. I am on the patch and my family says I am bit testy and I am trying VERY hard not to be!!! But I know at this very moment…..I could easily kill someone!! My husband has told me that our family is out of season and off limits. But just to be on the safe side….they went to town. Sooo…..if you need to have someone injured or killed ,,,…right this very moment is good for me. (just kidding please don’t ask me to kill your asshole spouse)

I will keep you posted!

Ms Sparky

I live on the west side of the Cascade Mountain range. We have a lot of wildlife, redtail hawks, bald eagles, deer, coyotes, foxes, you name it, we got it.

I was sitting outside watching a pair of bald eagles circling overhead. They obviously had their eye on something yummy. Then all of a sudden a small bird, a sparrow I think, started harassing them. They had probably gotten too close to a nest and this little bird was giving them hell. Those eagles could have snatched this little bird right out of the sky but that didn’t deter it. It just kept dive bombing and chasing them. This went on for about five minutes and then the eagles decided to move on.

I was impressed. This little sparrow stood up to these two big majestic eagles and won. Obviously it felt it was fighting for something important.

I think people are like that. There are people who make a lot of noise, but when push comes to shove they cower in the brambles like a rabbit. Afraid that the big bad eagle will hurt them. And then there are the sparrows. Small and insignificant in the big scheme of things. Considered a pest at times. But when it’s time to take a stand and fight for what is right they will not intimidated.

To all the sparrows out there. Do not waiver in your convictions. Do not be intimidated. Do not doubt yourself. Do what is right for the greater good.

You know who you are! SPARROWS UNITE!!

Ms Sparky

FINALLY, Tiffany has completed those damn parenting classes. The ones where she was calling me every night after class and giving me parenting advice. Argh!!! Oh my God give me strength….(to not choke the crap out of her)!

There was a graduation ceremony at the prison. I took Keelen and Ethan and his parents came. It was awesome.

I think the thing that amazed me the most…(well there were two things) was that Tiffany was so pleasant to be around. All that nasty drug induced hatefulness was gone. She was a delight, funny and conversational. The daughter I know and love. The other thing was Ethan. He will be two in August. My how time flies. Although he doesn’t know Tiffany as his Mother, he let her hold him and do all the kid games and activities. He was independent and self confident. His adopted Mom and Dad are doing such a great job with him. I know we did the right thing placing him for adoption with them.

Tiffany made both of the boys gifts and they painted and did some kind of cookie dance. Tiffany was just enthralled and I was having a great time talking to grown ups.

Although I hated the parenting classes…I am proud that she singed up for this twelve week, three hours a night, three nights a week, after working all day, class. She not only completed it, but she excelled in it. She participated and grew as a woman, a mother, a daughter.

I am so proud of the strides she has made. Not just what she is doing, but how she is thinking. Her whole thought process has changed.

I know my daughter is in prison, but I am a very proud mom!! How many mom’s can say that!

The photo above is Tiffany at about 16 months old. Does Keelen look just like her or what!

Ms Sparky

Cal didn’t get to come home this weekend. He was stuck in Akron. He gave me a call to tell me there was one hell of a storm going on. During our conversation the tornado sirens went off. Damn that triggered an Iraq flash back. They sounded similar to the “take cover” alarms that would sound in Baghdad when we were under attack.

Cal told me everything was fine…it was just a precaution. That was not very reassuring to me. I was genuinely concerned. I can remember numerous occasions while in Baghdad, I’d be talking on the phone to friends and family and the sirens would go off or there would be an explosion close by. They would freak and I would tell them that everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about. Now I know how they felt and that my words were not very reassuring.

Amazing how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot.

Ms Sparky